Doubt

I think it's worse than heartbreak. It's worse than the horrendous ripping out of your heart, the shards of glass piercing through you and the dry tears that force themselves from under every emotion. It's more tumultuous than the waves of emotion that accompany a broken relationship, it's more vicious in battle than any angry foe and it pains more than the tearing of limbs and muscle.
Doubt is a slow eroding of all that you once held dear. It's the gradual, imperceptible gap that grows till no bridge could ever reach what beliefs you had cherished. It's the slow callous that builds till you realize you can no feel, the tears that never come because your reservoirs have slowly drained. It's the once silent moments that now keep you suffocated. It's the music that softly faded while, unnoticed, you grew deaf. It's the small potholes along the way that are to blame for your lack of shock absorbers.
It's not the dragons breathing fire at your fortress; it's the termites nibbling at wood shavings till even your surrounding forest has disappeared. It's not the building crescendo and the high notes that fell flat; it's the faltering start that changed the key of your little diddy. It's not dying in a blaze of glory; it's your heart beat that steadily slowed. It's not the great oak that could have fallen and crushed your dreams; it's the little ivy that was meant to enhance and decorate them.
It's not someone mocking and tearing away at your values and beliefs; it's the second of hesitation that causes you to struggle. It's not the terrible tragedy of losing what you loved; it's wondering if you were ever capable of truly loving in the first place. It's not them telling you that you've failed; it's you questioning if you even have it in you to succeed.
It's not the showy war that you are losing - the torn limbs, scarred body, bloodied brow, and broken heart - Nor is it the endless falling and failing. Rather it is the silent battle slipping from your grasp - the vision that you want to make real, the belief that you can, the determination that you will, and the faith that hold on to - And the resilience to make you try once more.